One is Never Enough...

Hello fellow followers, fans, formal acquaintances, and fractured heart fixers:

A great bunch of events have happened that need your attention, consideration and emotional evaluation.

Let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start).  One year ago (April 2014) I had a TIA T2 stroke that left me recovering in the hospital for a few days.

Now in the present, I have had another stroke this past Sunday (08-03-2015) and was taken to the hospital by my now girlfriend Niki. She sacrificially gave time to get me there, get me food (aside from the Hospital offerings), and just supported me in my pain and difficulty.

Next we have the final 'prognosis' from the staff involved after bloodwork, monitoring, MRI, MRA, and direct questioning.  The University Hospital in West Chester resolved that a poor/restricted flow in several areas (caused by previous Radiation treatments) caused the transient stroke effect.

Once I was injected numerous times (now bruised) with blood thinners as a precaution, my condition remained stable long enough for me to sneak (check -out) out of the hospital and head home for some real rest.

If that was all the news I had...then there would be joy...but hang in there.

This very morning I had a orthopedic doctor follow-up for some pain and restricted range of motion in both shoulders.  He kindly noted that there was no tendon, muscle or other tears or damage.  However, he then proceeded to tell me that I had a rare condition known as 'Avascular necroses in the humeral heads'.  This is the ball portion at the end of your upper arm bone that is held neatly inside your shoulder socket.  Basically, what the necrosis does is deteriorate the head/ball section of bone until it starts to break down and fail as a heavily used unit until a solution is implemented.

So far, all I have heard is that a rebuild of the shoulder would be the best route.  This involves severing the existing ball of bone material as it enters the shoulder socket and replace it with a metal or otherwise strong replica.  This would also require strengthening the socket area to accept a metal joint instead of bone material.

While I wait for answers from my Ortho as he searches the minds of his colleagues in specialty areas and even in other states, this puts me in a funny place.  Here's what I mean:

Here I am processing my second stroke event and have to unknowingly combine it with a potential double shoulder rebuild that may or may not need regular future maintance.

NOW!  That's a lot to handle.  Even with my experienced past, it is still gnawing at me.  My solution?  I have already began to journal my feelings and discuss how this affects my life and kids with other friends/family and/or people I can trust with that level of vulnerability.  The final step in the 'new walk' is to resolve a behavioral/filtering device in my person.  This ensures challenges and difficulties during this time are met with a prepared, organized, and consistent approach all the while spreading a message of love, learning and encouragement using a filter of hope, love and peace.

Please spread the message of HOPE!!

Stay Strong...Sincerely,
Leif

Love to Love

Hello All,

As if it is not already known, I love to love and serve others if possible.  It is in my DNA and deeper in my purpose as directed by the Holy One.  When I encounter a relationship that allows or desires this, it energizes me even more.

The reason I decided to add this to my Blog is two-fold:

1. Continue to tell the story of hope and contentment that is possible in our lives.

2. Give honor and praise to those who have helped or participated in the process.

What happened to make this post worth sharing?

Glad you asked.

I have been praying, seeking and living in a way that only I, until now, had hoped would align me with an honorable and supportive lady/woman that I can bless and serve as my companion in this adventure we call life on earth.  I knew her (we'll call her Nicole) back in high school. While I have prayed for my future wife many times in the past years, I didn't expect this 'blast from the past'.  Since then, divorce and brain cancer have shoved me down a path I did not desire, with Satan and his minions trying to destroy, attack, and trip me along the way.

Now, with the help of God, Family, Friends and a consistent good attitude I feel like someone has also merged near me on my particular path of life.  This is no coincidence as I see it.  Only what happens when you choose to follow a path that you would like to have your partner align with due to their own individual desires and interests.  With no influence from anyone else, Nicole seems suddenly embedded in the heart of my every thought.  She, and her children, get along wonderfully with my children.  My children also get along with hers with no problem.  Our natural communication and attitudes compliment each other constantly.  

Too good to be true?

Not with truth, alignment of goals, and desire to serve each other.  This experience is a small part of the path I am on.  I know at this point that our direction, attitude and foundations are aligned in a way that will only strengthen our relationship.  I continue to see peace and joy down the road, both near and far.

Should you think of it, I would most desire prayers of protection and joy in our new found relationship.  As Satan desires only to destroy and burn something of this magnitude down.

Thank you all.  I say that because my spiritual sensitivity tells me when others are aligned and supporting my direction.

Now with more fervor...

Thank you all greatly.

Peace, Hope, Love, Prayers,
Leif

Everything

Hey Viewers,

Here's one from my heart.

I was in America's Motor City (Detroit) this past week for work.  No big deal there.  The system I was installing and verifying had several signals that had to be, as the industry calls it, 'wrung out'.

Here is an example of how many signals there are; one signal equals one of the wires on the right side of the actual image below:

Don't worry, there is nothing proprietary in this image.  So to explain a bit here, there are only about 400 signals...some coming in, some being generated and sent out.  Well a circumstance came about that really foiled my nice orderly logical plans.

Personally, I struggle sometimes that there is still something wrong in my brain after all my surgeries and 'stuff' so I sometimes feel that I miss things that I am not aware of.  So when I found a random pattern of signals that were operating strangely, I slightly panicked.  Slightly for this situation means that I was seriously confused, not sure what to do, and not sure if something was wrong with me, wrong with the system I was working on, or both.

The thing that brought me to solace again was this.  My Lord has created everything, knows everything, and is ever-present (hence the name of this post 'Everything').  If I were to just humble myself and allow my wisdom to come from him and not my own understanding...maybe I could see from his well illuminated view and not mine I may see something yet unseen.  So I fasted over the next day and prayed as I performed various tests to find the root issue.  This helped greatly.  If I would have allowed myself to exist in the physical/earthly present, I would have only seen the customer complaining and others pressing me for answers I was supposed to know at the time.

Then it happened.  Using a tester/diagnostic tool, I found a bundle of wires that had gotten mixed up with a different bundle of similarly colored wires.  This, after making the relevant changes, resolved the many signals that had seemed completely hay-wire at the time.

End of story?  Not yet.  I had to first thank God for giving me the clarity to continue in a reasonable manner despite the pressing circumstances.  After this, everything came to a peaceful completion...all loose ends tied up, everyone involved was content and the customer even reached out to my boss in order to express his satisfaction with my work.

I am happy to know that even when or if things are wrong with me, I have someone I can ALWAYS go to that ALWAYS covers/knows EVERYTHING!!

Readers...thank you for continuing to support me.  It means a lot!

Peace.Hope.Love

Sincerely,

Leif

It's Not Over!

What does 'Its not over' mean to you?  If you have ever thought that your time on this earth is at all useless or wasted...please, think again.  In reading yet another great book I've wrestled with the following spiritual truth (i.e. irrefutable truth).  If you are still alive in any capacity, you have not yet completed your purpose for being here.  Regardless of what you believe, regardless of what has happened to you, there is work left to do.  In the case of your life, there is HOPE left.  I HOPE that something even greater than wherever you are at is still possible.  Have hope my friends!  Encourage others!  Allow the thought of your next step being higher than your current level to permeate your being and use that energy to move ahead!

Love You All and I pray for you each day!!

Sincerely with Peace Love and HOPE,

Leif

The Frog

It may seem odd, the title, but believe me...it is a constant reminder of my recent past.  I had my regular quarterly MRI today along with blood-work in preparation for tomorrow's oncology visit.  The MRI itself is no big thing but it shuttles me back to a special MRI I had 2 years back now.  One that allowed the neurosurgeons to properly determine the borders of my tumor.  This was called an FMRI or Functional MRI with tensor diffusion imaging.  Look it up on Google...it is quite an interesting invention.  It is essentially a MRI that involves activities for the patient to do while inside the tube.  During the activities, the scanner is picking up which parts of the brain are used to complete the task.  Thus, the 'functional' area for that action.

As part of  my FMRI experience, I was read a story.  I was told that part of the story I will understand, and part of the story I will not.  I did not know what this could mean at the time so I listened...I listened actively and intently.  The story was pleasant and simple.  it was bout a frog who wanted to explore over the hill.  Along the way he encounters a garden shed and goes in.  Frightened by a small boy who runs into the shed, the frog jumps into a nearby flower pot.  Just then, the narrator's voice went to total garble.  The garble ended and the story was never finished.  On to the next task.  WAIT!!!  I want to know what happened to the FROG!!!!

While I may never know the true destiny of the frog, it does give me an interesting insight.  I am here, I am alive, I am healthy and have now moved on to the monitoring phase of my cancer encounter.  I praise the Lord that he has allowed me this adventure.  To have endured, experienced, and see life through a totally different set of eyes and heart.

I have to thank you all who have prayed (and some continue) as it is your continued petition to the Lord that keeps me engaged in the pursuit of the frog's story.

Peace, Love & Prayers,

-Leif

Perfection is not Coincedence

Hey All!!

Sorry there has been no update here in a while.  Things get busy fast when you are healthy and able to rebuild things in strength and #hope!!  I have heard through the grapevine that many are still praying but haven't gotten an update.  Well...here you are:
1. I have had my most recent quarterly MRI on April 22 to fin that there is no new areas of concern which is an ongoing conclusion through my last several quarterly's...YAY!! Praise Him!!!
2. This past few weeks yielded me a stroke that landed me in the emergency room May 6th.  This was a T.I.A. of the T2 variety in medical terms.  Things are back to normal now as i am living on my own now with my kids here...even now...sleeping soundly:).  Would you believe that I was out of town the previous week (more like the last few months for work off and on).  And was home that week.  What Luck!  The event happened in my home and I was able to get myself to the doctor and was told if it happened again to go straight to the ER.  It did and I did.  My loving mother was with me and thank goodness for her patience as things tend to take a while when the entire neurology staff wants to see you and CAT scans MRI's and other tests are pending.

3. Home from all that I was thinking what a coincidence it was that it happened near home when I remembered a past youth pastor teaching (Jim Peterson) that God exists outside of time and can influence any situation without the constraints of time as well.  So I see now knowing that plus your continued and faithful prayers is truly the real reason I can continue to praise him with both hands high and standing strong!!  It's like every time Satan tries to shut the door on my life and livelihood, our Lord keeps my foot in the door.  Honestly, with him it feels more like keeping my combat boot lodged firmly in the door jam.  Jesus keeps me in the game time after time!!  Please don't mind my bit of humor.  Thank you all!!

4. I do have to ask for something at this point.  Since I have much slower updates going on from here, I need to know if you even want me to continue posting to this blog??  I enjoy it but do not want to let anyone down.  Please respond if you want to see more or not so I know what direction go head.

I cannot thank you each enough.

Peace.  Love.  Prayers,

Leif

Best Practices - Lessons Learned

In the last 7 cycles of chemotherapy, I have been experimenting.  This is because I want to minimize the discomfort, weakness and other mild and moderate side-effects I have experienced with taking a 5 day on, 23 day off maintenance cycle of Temodar for the past 7 months.  Temodar is an Anti-Neoplastic agent.  I may do a more in depth nerd-style posting in the future of things I have learned about this last year.  Anyway...to continue.

If anyone takes Temodar (Temozolomide) and has not been able to minimize the side-effects to their liking, consider the following.  For my 5 days on, I keep a rather strict schedule.  I normally keep a fairly strict schedule anyway, but definitely do not stop during chemo week.  I don't adjust my schedule for chemo week so I don't have anything to re-adjust to something different later.  I just keep my normal schedule:
- Wake up early, eat whole grain cereal and fruit breakfast and go to work.
- Get off work (early evening)
- Get home and immediately go into exercise mode.  Light to moderate weights and cardio...90 minutes of exercise is my ideal goal.
- Finish, shower and eat dinner.
- Right after dinner begin cycle. Anzemet (anti-emetic chemo prep drug) then an hour of no food or drink...then chemo...then nothing for another hour.
- When I can eat again, I like to have a granola parfait with Activia yogurt and fruit.  Making sure to drink plenty of water.  Activia was chosen due to its active cultures.  This can also be helpful as chemotherapy can suppress your immune system.
- When I go to bed about an hour or two after that, I don't feel much different than normal.
Now, rinse and repeat for 5 days...

Anyway, after 7 variations of when to take the chemo, what to eat and when to sleep, this honestly is the best routine I have locked in on...I don't plan on changing anything else now.

I hope this can help someone who may have some difficulty with this type of process.  Please feel free to ask questions or comment as this type of process can be part of a tough time in one's life and you never know when you can help someone else.

Peace, Love & Prayers to you all.

Sincerely,
Leif