Hey, Just Surviving

I heard a great speaker several years ago that narrowed your place in life to one of three options at any time:

1. Striving - Working your tail off to keep your head above water.  Barely making it.
2. Surviving - Doing the minimum it takes to survive...treading water.
3. Thriving  - Easily staying afloat with little effort.  This is a place where you're really killing it in life.

Since my hemi-arthroplasty, ( partial shoulder replacement) to my right shoulder, I have been making sure I do what it takes to not only survive, but I know I'm going to thrive and really use this time to get ahead.  A few things have been giving me resistance.  First, a mental/spiritual battle of loneliness.  I have been seeking for a significant other in my life.  I'm trying not to let being alone drive me to a negative state of mind.  Honestly...it has been hard, more so recently since only one person has come to visit me since my surgery. Though many promised.  Not driving or doing much more than reading and physical therapy daily leave me with much time on my hands to do nothing.  I am trying to use this time to make the leap between surviving and thriving.  While I know I am trying, it has been hard to put my finger on the catalyst to effect these changes.  I know the freedom that the full healing of my shoulder and driving freedom will bring me, so I carefully bide my time to that point.  Current Favorite motivational items include "School of Greatness" podcast by Lewis Howes.  The other entertaining podcasts like "How to do everything" and NPR's "Ask Me Another" trivia game-show.  Thanks to my 4 Corners Church friend Doug for those suggestions.  Further ahead on my survival to Thrive stairs is rebuilding something I've lost  since my last major Trial...that is a positive driving attitude to push through emotional and physical hurdles toward my freedom launchpad.  I'm grateful for my parents and kids during this time for the help and joy brought to my life while I'm recovering.

**REMEMBER, Dont just strive, survive...and eventually you can thrive.  each transition takes effort, goals, gratitude and sometimes grace.  But, you can do it.  I know I can.  Surely if I can, you can achieve great things.

Peace.Love.Hope,

Leif

Wonderball

Hello all,

Do you remember the game as kids (or years ago...gosh I'm old) where you would pass a ball around a circle of people singing the song, hoping not to be the one caught with it.  Well as you'd have it, it's a great metaphor for how I feel.  I had some 'stroke-like' symptoms 2 weeks ago and went to the ER.  Currently between my Oncologist and neurologist, they're not sure if it was a stroke or a seizure.  So the wonderball goes round and round from specialist to specialist to see who knows what's happening.  I just hope 'then at last' happens soon...if you get my drift.

REFERENCE:

Specialist 1 - HEMOC(My oncologist).
Specialist 2 - Neurologist (General Neurology)...I think something's wrong upstairs.
Specialist 3 - Epileptologist(Epilepsy Neurologist)


THE CRUNCH:

Oh Yea! I almost forgot, I have a shoulder replacement surgery coming up I need to get cleared for.  The Surgeon wants a neuro clearance for the procedure to rule out any stroke/seizure activity during surgery...good thing!


Anywho, that's my Wonderball World.

Hope you're all doing well out there!!

Sincerely,
Leif

Old roads are notoriously bumpy.  For me my recent quarterly MRI showed a Stroke I had not known about.  In my early brain cancer days, I had to stay at the Drake Stroke recovery and rehabilitation center for a month after my second brain surgery.  For that reason I did not have the best memories of that place.  Sure I did most of these blog posts there, maybe that is why this one seemed necessary.  The staff was nice but general non-staff experience was stressful.  Screams at night ( people are in dementia stages there.  Low and behold my recent stroke has gotten me a visit to go back!  Hooray.  My sarcastic Hooray  is only to note my initial dismay at going back.  While I will not have to stay, I don’t want to go.  My month stay there years ago was overcome with changing my attitude.  Apparently…God had passed it along that another adjustment will be good for me.  I’m game.  Ever-loving a challenge, A lot in my life would benefit from an adjustment right now.  Starting with that.  Getting upset or depressed about it will help it how much?  NONE.  So, get on with it.  As I climb out of my recovery from shoulder surgery, I have already recently made some changes, so a push and tweak to those are in order.  Immersion in the Word of God to just soak in the truth (this will help greatly with defending myself against the deceiver) A bit of hard work to bring on motivation from fulfillment and here we are, on the path to attitude adjustment.

Please pray for good results and prompt healing.  I’ll soon update the community.

Peace, Love, Prayers,

Leif

AVN

Avascular Necrosis, the bone  in my humeral head (bicep bone in the shoulder joint) is common in people who have had chemotherapy or high doses of steroids over a long period (that was me with Dexamethasone during radiation treatments).  Anyway, this has been a growing problem in my shoulders as they deteriorate it is causing me much discomfort; and a loss of range of motion.  Tomorrow morning, surgery is taking place to help stop the collapse of my left shoulder.   If everything goes like it should (it will), There will be bad tissue removed from the humeral head with resurfacing measures and the possible addition of a cap or quarter sized 'button'  to protect the good tissue underneath.  This is outpatient surgery with an overnight into Saturday.  Please pray for Dr. Hasan as his hands are guiding the treatment.  I'm a bit anxious as well so please consider this in your prayers.

I cannot thank you all enough.

Real.Love.Now,
Leif

One is Never Enough...

Hello fellow followers, fans, formal acquaintances, and fractured heart fixers:

A great bunch of events have happened that need your attention, consideration and emotional evaluation.

Let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start).  One year ago (April 2014) I had a TIA T2 stroke that left me recovering in the hospital for a few days.

Now in the present, I have had another stroke this past Sunday (08-03-2015) and was taken to the hospital by my now girlfriend Niki. She sacrificially gave time to get me there, get me food (aside from the Hospital offerings), and just supported me in my pain and difficulty.

Next we have the final 'prognosis' from the staff involved after bloodwork, monitoring, MRI, MRA, and direct questioning.  The University Hospital in West Chester resolved that a poor/restricted flow in several areas (caused by previous Radiation treatments) caused the transient stroke effect.

Once I was injected numerous times (now bruised) with blood thinners as a precaution, my condition remained stable long enough for me to sneak (check -out) out of the hospital and head home for some real rest.

If that was all the news I had...then there would be joy...but hang in there.

This very morning I had a orthopedic doctor follow-up for some pain and restricted range of motion in both shoulders.  He kindly noted that there was no tendon, muscle or other tears or damage.  However, he then proceeded to tell me that I had a rare condition known as 'Avascular necroses in the humeral heads'.  This is the ball portion at the end of your upper arm bone that is held neatly inside your shoulder socket.  Basically, what the necrosis does is deteriorate the head/ball section of bone until it starts to break down and fail as a heavily used unit until a solution is implemented.

So far, all I have heard is that a rebuild of the shoulder would be the best route.  This involves severing the existing ball of bone material as it enters the shoulder socket and replace it with a metal or otherwise strong replica.  This would also require strengthening the socket area to accept a metal joint instead of bone material.

While I wait for answers from my Ortho as he searches the minds of his colleagues in specialty areas and even in other states, this puts me in a funny place.  Here's what I mean:

Here I am processing my second stroke event and have to unknowingly combine it with a potential double shoulder rebuild that may or may not need regular future maintance.

NOW!  That's a lot to handle.  Even with my experienced past, it is still gnawing at me.  My solution?  I have already began to journal my feelings and discuss how this affects my life and kids with other friends/family and/or people I can trust with that level of vulnerability.  The final step in the 'new walk' is to resolve a behavioral/filtering device in my person.  This ensures challenges and difficulties during this time are met with a prepared, organized, and consistent approach all the while spreading a message of love, learning and encouragement using a filter of hope, love and peace.

Please spread the message of HOPE!!

Stay Strong...Sincerely,
Leif

Love to Love

Hello All,

As if it is not already known, I love to love and serve others if possible.  It is in my DNA and deeper in my purpose as directed by the Holy One.  When I encounter a relationship that allows or desires this, it energizes me even more.

The reason I decided to add this to my Blog is two-fold:

1. Continue to tell the story of hope and contentment that is possible in our lives.

2. Give honor and praise to those who have helped or participated in the process.

What happened to make this post worth sharing?

Glad you asked.

I have been praying, seeking and living in a way that only I, until now, had hoped would align me with an honorable and supportive lady/woman that I can bless and serve as my companion in this adventure we call life on earth.  I knew her (we'll call her Nicole) back in high school. While I have prayed for my future wife many times in the past years, I didn't expect this 'blast from the past'.  Since then, divorce and brain cancer have shoved me down a path I did not desire, with Satan and his minions trying to destroy, attack, and trip me along the way.

Now, with the help of God, Family, Friends and a consistent good attitude I feel like someone has also merged near me on my particular path of life.  This is no coincidence as I see it.  Only what happens when you choose to follow a path that you would like to have your partner align with due to their own individual desires and interests.  With no influence from anyone else, Nicole seems suddenly embedded in the heart of my every thought.  She, and her children, get along wonderfully with my children.  My children also get along with hers with no problem.  Our natural communication and attitudes compliment each other constantly.  

Too good to be true?

Not with truth, alignment of goals, and desire to serve each other.  This experience is a small part of the path I am on.  I know at this point that our direction, attitude and foundations are aligned in a way that will only strengthen our relationship.  I continue to see peace and joy down the road, both near and far.

Should you think of it, I would most desire prayers of protection and joy in our new found relationship.  As Satan desires only to destroy and burn something of this magnitude down.

Thank you all.  I say that because my spiritual sensitivity tells me when others are aligned and supporting my direction.

Now with more fervor...

Thank you all greatly.

Peace, Hope, Love, Prayers,
Leif

Everything

Hey Viewers,

Here's one from my heart.

I was in America's Motor City (Detroit) this past week for work.  No big deal there.  The system I was installing and verifying had several signals that had to be, as the industry calls it, 'wrung out'.

Here is an example of how many signals there are; one signal equals one of the wires on the right side of the actual image below:

Don't worry, there is nothing proprietary in this image.  So to explain a bit here, there are only about 400 signals...some coming in, some being generated and sent out.  Well a circumstance came about that really foiled my nice orderly logical plans.

Personally, I struggle sometimes that there is still something wrong in my brain after all my surgeries and 'stuff' so I sometimes feel that I miss things that I am not aware of.  So when I found a random pattern of signals that were operating strangely, I slightly panicked.  Slightly for this situation means that I was seriously confused, not sure what to do, and not sure if something was wrong with me, wrong with the system I was working on, or both.

The thing that brought me to solace again was this.  My Lord has created everything, knows everything, and is ever-present (hence the name of this post 'Everything').  If I were to just humble myself and allow my wisdom to come from him and not my own understanding...maybe I could see from his well illuminated view and not mine I may see something yet unseen.  So I fasted over the next day and prayed as I performed various tests to find the root issue.  This helped greatly.  If I would have allowed myself to exist in the physical/earthly present, I would have only seen the customer complaining and others pressing me for answers I was supposed to know at the time.

Then it happened.  Using a tester/diagnostic tool, I found a bundle of wires that had gotten mixed up with a different bundle of similarly colored wires.  This, after making the relevant changes, resolved the many signals that had seemed completely hay-wire at the time.

End of story?  Not yet.  I had to first thank God for giving me the clarity to continue in a reasonable manner despite the pressing circumstances.  After this, everything came to a peaceful completion...all loose ends tied up, everyone involved was content and the customer even reached out to my boss in order to express his satisfaction with my work.

I am happy to know that even when or if things are wrong with me, I have someone I can ALWAYS go to that ALWAYS covers/knows EVERYTHING!!

Readers...thank you for continuing to support me.  It means a lot!

Peace.Hope.Love

Sincerely,

Leif