Time to refine - not always easy to know when or where to start.

Sometimes, we do not get to choose when or how to rifine ourselves.  I learned this recently when I had lost my job of 10 years to a company I had devoted some of my finest efforts to.   Having taken most of the time since october to get unemployment benefits going, I have had to refine a great many things.  Namely, the following:

• My sense of gratitude
• My sense of purpose
• Feelings of contentment, joy and thankfulness
• Forgivenesss
• Feelings of love and relationship provided by my dear girlfriend Sheli who has been nothing but a blessing and encouragement during this trial period in my life.
• I truly feel that I am better off having gone through this and had sheli with me than to have failed to see the benefit of working hard through adversity.

Thank You Lord, for providing a way for me to continually improve myself in this tough time and showing me that you are ALWAYS there, despite my worries and other feelings of insecurity.

Tweaking Results

Greetings All,

A while back, I had posted some information about my nutritional changes during brain cancer treatment.  The linke for that post is here:

http://beatingleifstumor.blogspot.com/2013/02/best-practices-lessons-learned.html

This is something I continue to tweak as I get further away from  conquering my tumor in 2013.
Things that remain in my routine are my green smoothies and regular excercise.  As well as physically, I am very interested in mental and spiritual differences and improving on all fronts.  By all means, I am a christian and follow the Lord as the Bible makes it clear.  I use what I know to form a solid path and philosophy for life.  I've constructed a view for this in the form of a triangle.  One point of the triangle points where your headed in life.  For me this is my spiritual point.  The other two points are physical and mental respectively.  Wherever the spiritual point goes, the other two inevitable will follow.  Keeping this trifecta strong is important.  Put work in on each area daily and lean on your strong point often to keep it sharp and clear to you as the lead.  I'll give you and example:

1. Point - morning devotion and prayer throughout the day (spiritual)
2. Follow - exercise daily in any way you are comfortable (physical)
3. Follow - study something.  I like to listen to podcasts that are informational in some way, like Ted Radio Hour...on the iTunes store offered by NPR.  It's free.  I also try to meditate with my girlfriend every day for 10 minutes. (mental)

See, it's that simple.  It takes time but with consistency you'll feel more balanced and such.

I want to encourage you to create a healthy routine that you can do consistently without adding stress to your life, or others' lives.   I have so much more to say about these things so, if you're interested...just stay tuned.

Peace.Love & Gratitude

-Leif

Hey, Just Surviving

I heard a great speaker several years ago that narrowed your place in life to one of three options at any time:

1. Striving - Working your tail off to keep your head above water.  Barely making it.
2. Surviving - Doing the minimum it takes to survive...treading water.
3. Thriving  - Easily staying afloat with little effort.  This is a place where you're really killing it in life.

Since my hemi-arthroplasty, ( partial shoulder replacement) to my right shoulder, I have been making sure I do what it takes to not only survive, but I know I'm going to thrive and really use this time to get ahead.  A few things have been giving me resistance.  First, a mental/spiritual battle of loneliness.  I have been seeking for a significant other in my life.  I'm trying not to let being alone drive me to a negative state of mind.  Honestly...it has been hard, more so recently since only one person has come to visit me since my surgery. Though many promised.  Not driving or doing much more than reading and physical therapy daily leave me with much time on my hands to do nothing.  I am trying to use this time to make the leap between surviving and thriving.  While I know I am trying, it has been hard to put my finger on the catalyst to effect these changes.  I know the freedom that the full healing of my shoulder and driving freedom will bring me, so I carefully bide my time to that point.  Current Favorite motivational items include "School of Greatness" podcast by Lewis Howes.  The other entertaining podcasts like "How to do everything" and NPR's "Ask Me Another" trivia game-show.  Thanks to my 4 Corners Church friend Doug for those suggestions.  Further ahead on my survival to Thrive stairs is rebuilding something I've lost  since my last major Trial...that is a positive driving attitude to push through emotional and physical hurdles toward my freedom launchpad.  I'm grateful for my parents and kids during this time for the help and joy brought to my life while I'm recovering.

**REMEMBER, Dont just strive, survive...and eventually you can thrive.  each transition takes effort, goals, gratitude and sometimes grace.  But, you can do it.  I know I can.  Surely if I can, you can achieve great things.

Peace.Love.Hope,

Leif

Wonderball

Hello all,

Do you remember the game as kids (or years ago...gosh I'm old) where you would pass a ball around a circle of people singing the song, hoping not to be the one caught with it.  Well as you'd have it, it's a great metaphor for how I feel.  I had some 'stroke-like' symptoms 2 weeks ago and went to the ER.  Currently between my Oncologist and neurologist, they're not sure if it was a stroke or a seizure.  So the wonderball goes round and round from specialist to specialist to see who knows what's happening.  I just hope 'then at last' happens soon...if you get my drift.

REFERENCE:

Specialist 1 - HEMOC(My oncologist).
Specialist 2 - Neurologist (General Neurology)...I think something's wrong upstairs.
Specialist 3 - Epileptologist(Epilepsy Neurologist)


THE CRUNCH:

Oh Yea! I almost forgot, I have a shoulder replacement surgery coming up I need to get cleared for.  The Surgeon wants a neuro clearance for the procedure to rule out any stroke/seizure activity during surgery...good thing!


Anywho, that's my Wonderball World.

Hope you're all doing well out there!!

Sincerely,
Leif

Old roads are notoriously bumpy.  For me my recent quarterly MRI showed a Stroke I had not known about.  In my early brain cancer days, I had to stay at the Drake Stroke recovery and rehabilitation center for a month after my second brain surgery.  For that reason I did not have the best memories of that place.  Sure I did most of these blog posts there, maybe that is why this one seemed necessary.  The staff was nice but general non-staff experience was stressful.  Screams at night ( people are in dementia stages there.  Low and behold my recent stroke has gotten me a visit to go back!  Hooray.  My sarcastic Hooray  is only to note my initial dismay at going back.  While I will not have to stay, I don’t want to go.  My month stay there years ago was overcome with changing my attitude.  Apparently…God had passed it along that another adjustment will be good for me.  I’m game.  Ever-loving a challenge, A lot in my life would benefit from an adjustment right now.  Starting with that.  Getting upset or depressed about it will help it how much?  NONE.  So, get on with it.  As I climb out of my recovery from shoulder surgery, I have already recently made some changes, so a push and tweak to those are in order.  Immersion in the Word of God to just soak in the truth (this will help greatly with defending myself against the deceiver) A bit of hard work to bring on motivation from fulfillment and here we are, on the path to attitude adjustment.

Please pray for good results and prompt healing.  I’ll soon update the community.

Peace, Love, Prayers,

Leif

AVN

Avascular Necrosis, the bone  in my humeral head (bicep bone in the shoulder joint) is common in people who have had chemotherapy or high doses of steroids over a long period (that was me with Dexamethasone during radiation treatments).  Anyway, this has been a growing problem in my shoulders as they deteriorate it is causing me much discomfort; and a loss of range of motion.  Tomorrow morning, surgery is taking place to help stop the collapse of my left shoulder.   If everything goes like it should (it will), There will be bad tissue removed from the humeral head with resurfacing measures and the possible addition of a cap or quarter sized 'button'  to protect the good tissue underneath.  This is outpatient surgery with an overnight into Saturday.  Please pray for Dr. Hasan as his hands are guiding the treatment.  I'm a bit anxious as well so please consider this in your prayers.

I cannot thank you all enough.

Real.Love.Now,
Leif

One is Never Enough...

Hello fellow followers, fans, formal acquaintances, and fractured heart fixers:

A great bunch of events have happened that need your attention, consideration and emotional evaluation.

Let's start at the very beginning (a very good place to start).  One year ago (April 2014) I had a TIA T2 stroke that left me recovering in the hospital for a few days.

Now in the present, I have had another stroke this past Sunday (08-03-2015) and was taken to the hospital by my now girlfriend Niki. She sacrificially gave time to get me there, get me food (aside from the Hospital offerings), and just supported me in my pain and difficulty.

Next we have the final 'prognosis' from the staff involved after bloodwork, monitoring, MRI, MRA, and direct questioning.  The University Hospital in West Chester resolved that a poor/restricted flow in several areas (caused by previous Radiation treatments) caused the transient stroke effect.

Once I was injected numerous times (now bruised) with blood thinners as a precaution, my condition remained stable long enough for me to sneak (check -out) out of the hospital and head home for some real rest.

If that was all the news I had...then there would be joy...but hang in there.

This very morning I had a orthopedic doctor follow-up for some pain and restricted range of motion in both shoulders.  He kindly noted that there was no tendon, muscle or other tears or damage.  However, he then proceeded to tell me that I had a rare condition known as 'Avascular necroses in the humeral heads'.  This is the ball portion at the end of your upper arm bone that is held neatly inside your shoulder socket.  Basically, what the necrosis does is deteriorate the head/ball section of bone until it starts to break down and fail as a heavily used unit until a solution is implemented.

So far, all I have heard is that a rebuild of the shoulder would be the best route.  This involves severing the existing ball of bone material as it enters the shoulder socket and replace it with a metal or otherwise strong replica.  This would also require strengthening the socket area to accept a metal joint instead of bone material.

While I wait for answers from my Ortho as he searches the minds of his colleagues in specialty areas and even in other states, this puts me in a funny place.  Here's what I mean:

Here I am processing my second stroke event and have to unknowingly combine it with a potential double shoulder rebuild that may or may not need regular future maintance.

NOW!  That's a lot to handle.  Even with my experienced past, it is still gnawing at me.  My solution?  I have already began to journal my feelings and discuss how this affects my life and kids with other friends/family and/or people I can trust with that level of vulnerability.  The final step in the 'new walk' is to resolve a behavioral/filtering device in my person.  This ensures challenges and difficulties during this time are met with a prepared, organized, and consistent approach all the while spreading a message of love, learning and encouragement using a filter of hope, love and peace.

Please spread the message of HOPE!!

Stay Strong...Sincerely,
Leif